Marriage is Legal, but adoption still a battle for same-sex couples in Michigan

Kathleen Edsall (standing, center) and family,

The new Michigan law on LGBTQ+ adoption has produced a nationwide discussion about discrimination.

Since the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) has ruled that marriage equality is legal nationwide, this discussion has grown even louder. The legislation that Gov. Rick Snyder has signed into law allows private adoption agencies to turn away prospective parents if the agencies do not feel comfortable with the family for religious reasons. This means agencies can discriminate against single parent homes, homes of people with different religious beliefs, and LGBTQ+ couples.

Even before this law, LGBTQ+ couples did not always find adoption straightforward. Dawn Mead, the Director of Child Welfare at Child and Family Charities, says that a large obstacle that LGBTQ+ couples already faced before this bill was signed was simply the fact that same-sex marriage was not legal in Michigan.

Because of that, "One person [had] to be the primary", and "if something were to happen to the partner who’s the primary, the child is... legally without a parent.” Mead says that after this, the other parent would have to step forward and “adopt the child that is already theirs, basically.” This parent would have to begin the adoption process once again, including paying all of the fees, going to court, etc.

While same-sex marriage and joint same-sex adoption are now legal, many agencies, under the new adoption law, may still discriminate against LGBT people. Couples, then, may feel pressured to act as if they are not a couple, which can cause significant stress. “Psychologically there’re lots of barriers because you ask the family to hide. So basically what you get is a family that adopts a child that says ‘you have to keep a secret’ which is really, you know, not healthy for them to do -- it takes us back several years.” noted Mead.

According to Mead, those who are in support of the bill say that there are many non-sectarian agencies that will help those who are turned away at other agencies. She then confirmed that her agency, Child and Family Charities, is the only non-sectarian adoption agency in the tri-county area (though she mentioned there may be a satellite agency that she is unaware of).

Jenny Nesmith's experiences aligned with this. She and her partner, Karen Lauer, looked into three different agencies that would not license them, before finding Child and Family Charities. Because of finances, however, Child and Family Charities currently only have two adoption workers. "The family that might absolutely match perfect for this child," Mead continued, "I’m probably not talking to for at least another nine months." When LGBTQ+ couples are turned down, there are long waits at the few agencies that accept them as viable adoptive parents.

With the increased obstacles LGBTQ couples face, adoptive parent Kathleen Edsall, of East Lansing, predicts an unfortunate outcome. “It is well known that many families who would adopt a child from foster care often give up when confronted with all the obstacles that currently exist. The additional burden that will be primarily directed at gay and lesbian adoptive parents, a group that tends to adopt harder to place children at a higher rate, means fewer children adopted from foster care or children waiting longer to find their forever families.”

Edsall also explained that it is counterintuitive to limit the number of families that can help children without parents, and that “[the] real problem is for the child or children whose pool of prospective parents just got significantly smaller.” Mead echoed this sentiment: “Why would you preclude a whole group of people when you’re looking for permanency for children? Why wouldn’t you look at everything possible?”

When asked what it was that initially drew her to adopt children, Edsall stated, “I wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember.” That desire “came with an equally strong desire to parent a child who needed a family. Adoption seemed like, and has been, the perfect fit for these dual desires.”

Like many same-sex couples, Edsall and her partner Alice Parr chose to adopt kids with special needs. While caring for three children who came from West Africa to the US for medical care, Edsall explains that “it became clear that we would be good at parenting a medically needy child.” Soon after, the couple adopted two more children. “Our two youngest children came home last summer and both have significant medical needs which were sadly made worse by their time in foster care. Since coming home, they have both blossomed.”

Edsall’s community was very accepting. “Personally, we have received incredible support for our family throughout this community and around the state from teachers, doctors, neighbors, and strangers. My feeling is that this law is inconsistent with the beliefs of a majority of people who reside in this state and in this country.”

Rev. Dr. Julie J. Kilmer, who, with her partner, Rev. Cheryl Burke, adopted four children, found similar support. “Our friends…were overjoyed and found each of our adoptions so exciting! Our neighbors support our family.” Kilmer feels that adopting “brings many blessings into your life,” and she and her partner “hope the laws in Michigan change to reflect the generosity and hope found throughout the state.”